Victims of Circumstance
by The Cowgirl Bookworm
Summary: In order to avoid becoming a pile of ectoplasmic goo Lydia marries Beetlejuice. She is opposed to the ghost with the most but could Beetlejuice, who had general love for her, turn her around so they can experience immortality together? Movieverse
1. Chapter 1

She could remember it far too well. Far too well for something that most people would consider a nightmare. Thoughts raced through her head, but her mind settled on an age old addage her mother had once uttered. "Married in red, better off dead." Oh, cruel irony! She was trapped within a horrible contraption of red satin, lace and chiffon. A blood red veil covered her face obscuring her features from her 'husband'. He smiled, exposing teeth crawling with beetles. His white-blonde hair fanned out from his scalp. It stood on end, making him look like the rising sun. His touch was clamy on her hand as she waited for the alien like priest to deliver those six damning words. He opened his mouth and drew in a deep breath.

"You may now-"

A crack echoed throughout the house. Beetlejuice knew what was coming and pushed Lydia out of the way. She could have sworn he said "Save yourself." A large black-and-white banded sandworm crashed though the house, swallowing him whole. As Barbara landed lightly on her feet next to her, Lydia couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity for him. He hadn't done anything terrible, well killing-terrible at least. Besides, in a rather twisted way he was funny. If he wasn't such a perv all the time. The preist sighed, looking at her. "Miss Deetz I will expect you and your family to be present for the remaining portion of the ceremony in three days time.

Barbara and Adam immediately went forward, screaming excuses. "For God's sake, she's SIXTEEN!" "He just got eaten!" The priest silenced them with a glance. "In the Afterlife when the bride a groom consent to be wed there is no backing out. Even if the groom is eaten. Ghosts regenerate, it only takes three days." Chales came foward, gesturing to the interior of the house. "Well if you hadn't noticed this is hardly the Afterlife." A cloud of sickly sweet tobacco smoke burst from out of nowhere. Juno stood there tapping ash from her cigarette. Adam turned to her. "Juno can't you do anything?"

Juno shook her gray hair. "In the Afterlife, and in this world the husband's customs are honored. She has no choice. Even though I hate to see her go to him, more importantly having him in your world. You have three days." Adam started forward but Lydia waved her hand, Beetlejuice's ring still upon it. "Just stop you guys, obviously it's no good trying to fight this. I have to marry him." "Don't talk like that Lydia! We won't let them do this! Right Charles?" Delia looked over at her husband. He suddenly seemed more alert. "Oh! Right, of course! Lydia, you will not marry that, ummmmm, man?"

Juno rolled her eyes at the pathetic mortals. "She will unless you all want to become piles of ectoplasmic goo." With a snap of her fingers Juno vanished, taking the priest with her. The three days passed in a daze, Lydia could hardly figure out what her life was going to be like. Would she live in the Afterlife or in the world of the living. The night before the wedding she sat in her bed, hugging her knees. A knock sounded, Delia's voice ringing out. "Lydia, honey, can I talk to you?" Rather eluctantly she got up and unlocked the door.

It swung inward revealing the leering face of Betelguse. "Suprise! Come on now darling, just a little kiss for you hubby dear?" She hurled the door shut, then yelled for the Maitlands. They appeared about the same time Beetlejuice came in though the door. "Oh no it's him, it's Bee-" A sheet of duct tape covered Adam's mouth. Barbara tried to finish his effort but he caused her lips to be stitched shut. "Can't a guy just try to talk to his fiancee? So, Lyds, looking forward to the big day tomorrow?" Lydia backed up toward her bed. BJ followed. "N-n-no." he knees hit the back of the bed, but she'd rather fall on her bed than whatever he wanted to do. Her torso hit the black satin comforter, she tried to scramble away but Betelguse but on arm on either side of her their faces only a few inches apart.

His black and white suit was even more obnoxious than he was, the smell of mold and decay coming off of him was terrible. Lydia scooted backward, her whole body on the bed quickly followed by him. He grabbed her shoulders, causing her to stop. His touch sent chills through her, not only because of his clamy sking but it sent little rivulets of electricity though her. "Now Babe, just one kiss to hold me over?"

His lips came down, headed for hers but she turned her head to the side and felt him graze her cheek. he tried again and it was repeated on her other cheek. But then he moved to fast for her to avoi it and he succeded in capturing her lips, caressing them. Her heart fluttered, barely audblie to her but extremely so for him. Lydia gave into her feelings and arched her body to his. Beetlejuice's hand ran down her waist, grabbing her buttock just a little. That jerked her back to reality. She slapped him and rolled out from under him. He flopped over onto his back, his hands folded behind his head. "Oooo, Lyds I could get used to this." He snapped his fingers and dissappeared. Lydia looked at her empty bed and reluctantly got back into it, his stench still prevailed but when she sniffed it it didn't smell completely awful. It just smelled, well, manly.

Hopefully she could get used to that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright, I really appreciate that a lot of people are reading this story but please leave more reviews! I will post this chapter but please, if you really like this story leave at least five reviews for the two chapters up so far. Oh and for the next few chapters, I'll be crossing it over with Forgetting Sarah Marshall, one of my favorite movies! Now enjoy some Juicey goodness.**

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A chorus of notes rang out through the cathedral, announcing the arrival of the bride. The green twisted spires rose throughout the sky of the Afterlife, scraping the sky bare of the putrid clouds. Rotten pews were filled to the brim with ghosts. The living were not allowed. But, these were not ghosts pleased to see BJ finally get married. They were pleased to get him out of their lives, well, afterlives. Beej stood at the altar, his crimson tux and his body somewhat cleaned up from his usual mold and decay, although not completely sanatized, sterilized and disinfected. Lydia approached down the aisle on the arm of Adam Maitland since her parents could not be present.

Adam lifted her veil, kissed her forehead and took his place near Barbara. They looked on with sadness, she was doing this for them. She would marry that monster so they could all be safe. "Oh, Adam. I'm so worried." Adam leaned over and kissed her cheek. "It'll be fine Barbs, she'll be okay." Juno took the priest's place in front of them. Beetlejuice had wrapped his arm through Lydia's, his place, freezing skin sending chills through her. Juno began the ceremony welcoming everyone, and making clear her extreme dislike for Beetlejuice.

He rolled his eyes at Lydia and she had to smother a chuckle. Sometimes -when he wasn't a perv- he could be funny. She was focusing on his golden eyes, sometimes switching between putrid pus yellow, and the mellow gold of the sun. "Lydia Deetz, do you take this.... thing, to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Lydia shook her head, sending her beautiful scent in waves to Beetlejuice. He inhaled taking in the scent of sandalwood, old books, and coconut oil. BJ was glad she was holding onto him for he was sure that he would have fallen to his knees. "I do." Lydia's hair hung in her face, the black tresses causing her to look even paler. But to Beetlejuice she looked even more beautiful.

He was vaguely aware of Juno asking him if he would take her for his wife. "Are you kidding? Of course I do!" The whole cathedral burst into cheers as he bent down and swept her lips into a long, drawn out kiss. Lydia could not but help but respond, when he took over her mind forgot who he was. She just felt him, not caring about who he was and what he had done. Adam and Barbara saw that she didn't care as well. "She can't possibly be doing this. It's insane, it's ludicrous, it's-" Barbara cut him off. "Adam, I think she likes him. Just leave it."

Adam fumed as Beetlejuice walked down the aisle, Lydia on his arm. He gave them a large wink as he walked away. At the end of the aisle he snapped his fingers and the church transformed into a wild party. Juno was cannonballing shots, and every ghost that so desperately hated him were working themselves into a orgy of alcohol and cheap food. A ghost D.J. started up a tune and the guests cleared the floor. A single spotlight shone down on Lydia and Beetlejuice. A love song began to play, an odd choice for his usual preference of classic rock. He clasped Lydia's gloved hand even tighter.

She placed her arms around his shoulders, his went around her waist. As they danced he leaned down to whisper "Lydia, I'm so sorry. I'm a terrible person." Lydia's eyes began to bulge, how could he be sorry! More importantly, what was he sorry for? Did he cheat on her already? Was he sorry for being a disgusting perv? The dance ended and he looked into her eyes with a look of sadness and love, an odd look from him. He reached up and caressed her jawline, his pinky just grazing her cheekbone. She sighed into his touch, it felt to good that he was enjoying touching her. "If you two love birds are finished, are you ready for some hula!?!" Juno brandished two airplane tickets to Hawaii in front of their eyes.

Oh. My. God. They actually expected her to have a honeymoon. With Beetlejuice! How could she sleep with that? "Relax, Babe, you're freaking out the guests." Lydia then just realized that she was shredding her bouquet. Hesitantly she threw it, not bothering to see who caught it. She sat in a chair idly while BJ removed her garter with his teeth, not to mention licking her leg all the way down her calf. He threw it to the waiting crowd of men, then ushered her down to the car helping her avoid the clouds of rice and birdseed that prevailed in the early afternoon sky. A wormhole opened up and the airport in Denver was visible through it. The car floored it.

Within a few seconds they appeared at the airport, Lydia a little confused. "Beetlejuice, why are we here?" He looked at her, she was just adorable. "Honeymoon Babes, honeymoon." "I'm not sleeping with you." "I didn't you had to. But it would be alright if you did." He waggled his eyebrows at her as they set off through the airport, arriving at their gate and discovering Juno had booked them first class. When the plane had taken off and most of the passengers were involved in the in-flight movie, Lydia turned to him. "What did you mean by you're sorry?" He slipped his hand around her waist, gripping her side. "Lyds, I meant I was sorry that you had to live the rest of your life with a handsome hunk like me!" Beetleguese started laughing his ass off while she fumed in her chair. "Your'e such a stupid perv I never could have believed you would have a conscience.

"What do yoiu want me to say? Please let's not fight on the first day of the rest of our lives." Lydia waited in her chair for a few minutes. While her brain was occupied disciphering what he had said, her body presed itself closer to him. As Beetlejuice watched this, he realized she did like him, her brain just didn't know it.

"Welcome to Turtle Bay Resort, ah, yes the Juices. We have your reservations right here sir. Enjoy your stay, and your bride is just lovely." The recptionish looked over at Lydia watching the swimmers on the beach. Ugh, she hated Hawaii. Everyone was too happy. Where was the death? Where was the sadness? Why in the hell would Juno have sent them here? She was pouting so hard she didn't notice when Beetlejuice clasped her in a bone-crushing hug. "C'me on Lyds, let's go find our love shack."

If he wasn't already dead she would have killed him herself.


	3. Chapter 3

"Uh, Lyds. I think they gave us the wrong room." Lydia peeked her head out from behind his back. The room was painted in a tactless white, a single bed resting in front of a extremely small television. The bathroom was hardly four feet in width including the bathtub. Angrily Beetlejuice grabbed the reciver for the phone and dialed up the front desk. "Hello! I think you gave us the wrong room. The Juices. Oh, you're sure that you gave us the right one what about now?" He snapped his fingers, Juicing themselves an upgrade. "Ah, do you're sorry for the inconvenience and you'll be right up. We'll meet you in the hallway." With a satisfied smirk he hung up the phone.

"The Kahuna suite, everything comped."

A uniformed doorman emerged from the elevator in the hallway. "Mr. and Mrs. Juice please follow me." He directed them through the multileveled labyrinth of hallways and kitchens emerging on the top floor. "Here you are, the Kahuna suite." With a grand gesture he opened the door. A large four poster bed draped with white lace and strewn with flower petals sat through one doorway while a fully equipped kitchen and a small table for two sat on one corner of the living room. A sixty-four inch plasma screen sat in front of a large couch, a whole library full of DVD's on either side of it.

"Welcome to _Casa de Beetlejuice_!" He tossed himself onto the bed, and with a great sigh, sunk so far into the mattress he had to be using his powers not to hit the floor. With a slight _huff_Lydia rested on the couch, flipped on the TV, and began to lose herself in a world of CSI. "Wow, and I thought you were the depressed one." BJ said pointing at a man with a gun in his mouth. Lydia tossed the remote at him and went to the beach.

A black lacy dress was not exactly what most vacationers in Hawaii expected of people staying there. She stormed off, wishing that she was in someplace more dark. She found her solace in the hotel's bar. Looking at the extensive list of alcohol she quickly selected a Jack Daniel's on the rocks. The peppy waitress looked at her, one eyebrow raised in questioning. "Can I see your I.D? I just need to be sure that you're not some teenager trying to scam me."

Lydia gulped. "M-my I.D?" Lydia furiously patted herself, feeling a small plastic card stuck in her bra. She hastily pulled it out, a Connecticut driver's licence proclaiming her as Lydia Juice, age 20, eye color brown, hair color black. This had Beetlejuice written all over it. But, hey, she wanted a drink. Trying to suppress a grin she flashed it before the young woman's eyes and then pocketed it in her bra again. Her drink was brought and she sipped it, the whisky burned on the way down.

She downed the rest of it and left a room number under the glass. She was going to have to have a talk with that poltergeist.

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Beetlejuice had quickly changed the station off of CSI to Ghostbusters. He laughed at the corny jokes and crappy sound effects. The thought bloomed in his head about what he would do if they were after him. He'd probably just change those beam thingies into rubber snakes. Or real snakes. Or flowers. No, not flowers. Rotten bananas. He kept going through the option until he felt a tingling in him. Lydia's voice echoed through his head.

"M-my I.D?" He quickly chuckled to himself before juicing her a new driver's licence. Beetlejuice couldn't stop himself from putting it in her bra. He convinced himself that she didn't have any pockets and she was lucky he didn't put in her underwear waistband. The movie ended and The Wheel of Fortune came on. Halfway through he knew all of the puzzles so just to amuse himself caused Vanna White's dress to fall off.

She covered herself up in horror and quickly ran off the stage. "Beetlejuice for God's sake! Try to keep yourself from causing trouble!" With a slight compressing and expanding sensation he found himself in Juno's office. "Juno! I thought I was out of here!" The chain smoking old lady shook her head. "So did I. But you're still dead and you still have a case worker and unfortunately it's me."

"Well it's not like it's that terrible to be around me."

"I'm amazed your ego hasn't made it's on gravitational field."

"Yeah, I was wondering about that..."

"Back to business at hand. You can't just go around in the mortal world doing everything you want. Unless you want to end up in the National Inquirerer."

"Do you think they'd catch my good side?"

"Ignoring the fact that you almost certainly do not get the point, if you continue to use your powers in this disgusting manner they will be revoked."

"B-b-but the council!"

"The council is giving you a three day period in which to try not overusing your powers, not limited to world destruction, possession, instantaneous transportation, pulling things out of thin air in front of mortals, murder, kidnapping, yada, yada, yada. You have to try and keep yourself from doing these things otherwise your powers will be revoked and you will have to live like everyone else."

She exhaled a line of smoke towards him and he quickly found himself back on the couch in Hawaii. Lydia was sitting across from him in armchair, tapping her foor and rumming her fingers. "Where were you?" she had such a stern expression he thought he was still with Juno for a second. "The Neitherworld. Why are you acting so mad Babes? Aren't we madly in love?"

"First of all because of this." She showed him the driver's licence. "And no, we're not as you put it madly in love."

"Hey listen I already got my ear talked off by Juno because of that." As if for emphasis his ear fell off and rattled on the floor.

"Are you going to try and not be a complete and total ass, or still going to be an annoying pervert?"

"Anything you want Babes, anything you want."

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**Yes, yes I changed the title. I think this one fits it better. And thanks to all of my lovely reviewers! Seriously you guys rock for doing that. More reviews motivate me to write faster. XOXOXOXO**

**-Captainjacky24**


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